i don't believe in apologizing if you are going to make it up to the person and set things straight. that is an apology all in its own. actions speak louder than words.

nothing is ever real

I sit in your window because its cooler, reading what I have declared to be my favorite book. You laugh and lay on your bed and draw me as I read you my favorite passage I have already re read to myself 3 times. You laugh and say yeah, you would like that one. There are noises. You ask if those are fireworks, I say either that or bombs so I climb out onto the fire escape, and up a flight to where my apartment is and you soon follow. You stand behind me with your hands around me toying with my shirt and running your thumbs over your hip bones which I know you like because you have already told me you like to touch them. I guess I like them too lately because I can see them since I lost 10 pounds which I also know really happened because you said my tits got smaller. Instead of my hips they are now on my wrists and your head is on top of mine. You say you like the finale because it's pretty and I say I hate it because there is too much smoke and you can't see a thing.

tomorrow i will lie and say something about how i forgot to unlock your door so i could get back in. holding hands is a doom machine. boom. the truth is it was half and half. i was thinking of going back, but hey, i really didnt unlock the door.

i'm a mess i'm a wreck

Let's get fucked up and die.
For the last time with feeling,
We'll try not to smile.
As we cover our heads and drink heavily into the night,
That’s no shock and surprise.
I believe that I can overcome this and beat everything in the end.
But I choose to abuse for the time being.
Maybe I'll win, but for now I've decided to die.

Sister Soldier you’ve been such a positive influence on my mental frame.
If I could ever repay you I would but I'm hard up for cash,
And my memory lacks initiative.
Goddamn the liquor store's closed.
We're so close to scoring.
It hurts, it destroys, 'till it kills.
I am tired and hungry and totally useless.




I'm sick and all I can worry about is what I'm going to do for the next 10 days.

spanish harlems where i blow my mind

The back of my throat is splinters. My body is a fucking ship wreck. Broken in too many places to even work right and under a sea of vodka. Yum.

THATS BALLGAME

story of my life

Wish I could shut my playboy mouth
How'd I turn my shirt inside out?
Control your poison, babe.
Roses with thorns they say
And we're all gettin hosed tonight.
What's going out on the floor?
I love this record baby, but I can't see straight anymore.
Keep it cool what's the name of this club?
I can't remember but it's alright, alright.

finally

Some kind of peace. Spent the night with my best friend, then fell asleep to my favorite movie. Doesn't get much more simple than that.

busy, busy, busy.

The shoot went really well. I worked my ass off so hard. I basically took my kit for the set and stayed there the whole time. If someone didn't look absolutely perfect then there was no shooting until they were.
2 breaks, 3 minutes each.

800 calories burned
7 dollars saved
7 dollars spent
120 pages read
This is what it took for me to figure out why I couldn't make it up my stairs anymore. I don't really have much to work with, though.